AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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