Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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