Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
