I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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