I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
