So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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