"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
