My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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