just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
