She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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