dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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