even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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