next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
