I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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