u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My hand turned me down
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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