so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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