I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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