Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
