We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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