which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
