I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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