addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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