I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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