Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
