I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
