So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
