I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
