so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms