That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
