That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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