smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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