So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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