I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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