i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
