PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
