Me. At least after what I've been through.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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