Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
