so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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