you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
