Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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