im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
