Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
