My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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