Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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