OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
nutella sex= disaster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
