how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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