apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
