I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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