i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
