My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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