Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
