I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
