standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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