That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
