i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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