my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
