I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
