And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
