i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize