she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
