My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
