Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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