Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
