Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
