So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
