U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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