Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
