peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
