Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
