The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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