Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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