I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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